


Die Hard Flirting

by Isobelle



Series: This Is How It All Went Down [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack-ish, F/M, Fluff, Humour, Romance, The Avengers Are Bros, and saving lives, by telling idiots to back off Natasha, i dunno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:33:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7111882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isobelle/pseuds/Isobelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times people are warned of the Black Widow's boyfriend and the one time he demonstrates why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Die Hard Flirting

 

1.

He’s having drinks with Bucky, Natasha and Sam at a comely bar when trouble meanders over. Natasha and Bucky had just been downing straight vodka shots when Buck called for a toilet break before sliding out of his chair and hurrying off. “Weak” Sam calls after him, then heads towards the ladies who just walked in, muttering a quick “wish me luck!” to Steve and leaving him alone with Natasha. They glance at each other, smile, and go back to their drinks. It is a nice feeling. True, trustable, companionship.

Steve glances to the right, then freezes at the sight of the man heading towards them, his eyes firmly placed on Natasha. Or more correctly, her ass. For a second, Steve’s wondering why he only choses now to approach with Bucky and Sam gone and if that meant something about how threatening he looks but anyway, he's approaching Natasha and she's with Bucky. Steve moves from his seat, ignoring Nat's raised eyebrow and meeting him halfway.

“Son,” Steve intercepts, slidding out of his chair and intercepting the young man, “Just don't.”

The guy’s young, a city-slicker by the looks. Never had to work a day in his life judging by the clothes and demeanor. “’Son’? What are you, sixty? And stop cock-blocking me.”

In a moment of aggression, Steve demands “You actuall think she'll go with you?” before scoffing, “Like you even have a chance. Bucky will skin you alive.”

“’Bucky’?” The man snickers, but Steve can see the hint on fear.

“Yeah.” Steve replies, playing it down, yet somehow coming across as completely serious. “Used to part of the Russian mafia. Lives for violence and has a concerning obsession with knives. They’ve been together for years, I think. Can’t even remember it's been so long.”

The man looks really out of it now.

“You're talking about Nat and Buck, right?” Sam pops up behind the city-slicker. “Oh yeah, they're _real_ tight, if you know what I mean. Pretty sure they’re like, murder buddies. You know, a Russian version of Bonnie and Clyde.”

“You guys are freaks.” The man hisses, turning tail with a final glare and heading back to his table of friends, who were hooting like monkeys.

Steve knew the guy wouldn't believe it if he told him, but he just saved his life from the entire wrath of the Winter Soldier, unless the Black Widow got to him first.

 

2.

Darcy Lewis knows many things. She knows Tony’s not such an arse. She knows Bruce is awesome, that Natasha is just as scary as one would expect if not more and that Clint is a complete weirdo. That Steve is really friendly and not as innocent as the media makes him out to be and Bucky is –how would she phrase it- a _complete_  flirt. That Pietro has the most wicked sense of humour and Wanda loves cooking shows while Vision loves to cook. She knows all about Jane and Thor’s. . . Well, she’s not gonna go there. For decency’s sake. She also knows that Bucky and Natasha have a thing going on, and have for the past while.

And no one should ever even think to get in between them. Just take a look how that ended for Hydra.

So it was a given that any new science geek working for Jane should be smart enough to not look at Natasha for any longer than a second.

Except for this one.

Darcy must admit, when he first walked in she thought he might some sort of SHIELD double agent –they tended to be _very_ attractive- and sighed over those biceps visible through his tight shirt. What can she say? He was good looking. Dark hair, dark skin, deep voice and a sexy smirk that could give Bucky a run for his money. And he was smart! It was certainly distracting her from her stupid crush on Speeedy-gonzalies.

It was a true shame really, when Natasha walked in to talk to Darcy about the troubles of getting good food from the café in the Avengers (Stark really) Tower.

His eyes went wide at the sight of the beautiful redhead, and suddenly Darcy was just another Stark employee he thought was mildly attractive.

But Natasha didn’t give him a time of the day, her eyes just skimming him for a potential threat before centering on Darcy. When she left –after Darcy told her about the secret stash of Doritoes hidden in the pantry- Darcy watched sadly as Mr Darkly Attractive watched Natasha’s arse in her skinny jeans. Oh well. She can go back to pinnig over Sonic and wishing he’d slow down enough to notice her as more than a comedic relief.

“Who is that?” His Spanish voice was dripping with an arousing curiousity.

“Unavailable.” Darcy answered, turning back to her computer screen. “Don’t even bother. You’ll lose an arm the second you speak to her.”

He looked down at her curiously. It wasn’t as attractive as it had been before. “What do you mean? Her boyfriend? I'm sure he wouldn’t be much of a problem.”

Darcy quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed by his cockiness. “Trust me, you wouldn’t stand a chance. He mess up your pretty face before you even knew he was there. And was he gets started, well, I'm sure you can guess. This is for your own good, stay away from her.”

“Whatever.” He huffs, before storming out of the lab.

Darcy’s not surprised when he doesn’t turn up the next day. Or the next. Or any day afterwards.

 

3.

Tony wasn’t an idiot. And –despite popular belief- he paid attention to more than just himself. So when he saw an heir –named Liam? Tony wasn’t sure- to some millionaire old-fart who had spent the better part of his life sucking up to Tony and his father notice Romanoff, he thought he better intervene. For the poor boy’s sake of course, defiantly not because he’s going to get a real kick out of it.

He was handsome enough. Long and lean, with almost feminine features and cheekbones sharper than Capsicle. He’d be a real hit with the ladies, and probably is. Tony thinks Darcy drooled a little when he walked in. There was only one problem. Romanoff already had a man. And, despite his ridiculous name, he could probably –definitely, Tony corrects- kill him with his pinkie. And that wouldn’t go down well with the press. Stark parties are famous for being a bit. . . _wild_ , but murder is just over the top. Even for Tony.

Tony skims his surrounding, noticing Bucky laughing with Thor by the massive punch bowl he had ordered in just for this occasion and Steve standing beside them, sniffing a small hip flask. Whatever it was in there, it made Steve stand up straighter and glance curiously at Thor. Tony must investigate later. Freaky Twin #1 was talking to Vision –most likely about something to do with universes and giggling about everybody’s futures- and Freaky Twin #2 was surrounded by a group of young ladies. Tony sighs wistfully. That used to be him. Not that he would trade Pepper for it. God no.

So him, being the most kind and considerate being to ever occupy the Earth and galaxy, quickly stepped in front of the young heir, placing an arm across his shoulders and steering him to the bar, where Lewis was sipping straight whiskey –his respect for that kid climbed a few notches every time he saw her- while Bruce and Foster talked animatedly beside her.

“Trust me kid, don’t bother. She’d eat you alive, unless her boyfriend got to you first. Come, have a drink with Lewis instead. I’m sure she won't bite.”

“Not too hard.” The brunette answered, swinging around on the stool to gaze at them. She ran her eyes up and down Liam, before smiling at him. Tony just catches the quick flick of her eye to the left of them, and turns his head slightly to see what she had glanced at.

Oh. _Oh_. He’s going to have so much fun with this.

 

4.

Sometimes, Clint thought, it's surprising these idiots are alive and walking around. Like, seriously, who the hell is dumb enough to hit on the Black Widow, or even just Natasha? Do these guys have no survival instincts? It’s different with himself, Clint thinks stubbornly, he can at _least_  somewhat defend himself. Some of the time. And anyway, Natasha knows and loves Laura like her own family, so he’s allowed to get away with friendly flirting. But god does he remember the first time he did it in front of Bucky. Don’t get him wrong, Clint totally understands where the guy’s coming from. He would have done the exact same thing if some sleazy dude who shot arrows professionally hit on Laura. And man did Foster’s assistant laugh.

Clint and Bucky were fine now of course, it was just a little misunderstanding. They were real buds now. Besties.

It was like an instinct, when a man approaches Natasha. Get them away fast before they find out how. . . _uncomfortable_ it is to have the Winter Soldier’s metal fingers closed around your neck. So of course when they’re jogging in the park and Natasha stops to get some coffee while he sits down –he totally doesn’t need a rest, he insists- and looks around the park.

When he sees the keen jogger head towards the way Nat went, eyes bright and smile confident, Clint just sighs and blocks his path.

“What’s up?” the blonde asks, and Clint must admit, he seems pleasant enough. A bit happy-go-lucky. Like Clint’s dog. He decides to go easy on the man.

“I wouldn’t bother.” Clint says, casting a glance behind him at Natasha, who is presumably unaware and ordering herself a coffee and himself a bagel.

“You her boyfriend?” the man asks, and jeeze does he remind Clint of Steve, with his pretend-to-be-happy-but-actually-not-smile in all its glory. It makes Clint wish he could give him the number of a nice girl and send him on his way.

“Nah, just a friend. But trust me buddy, she’s taken. And if you tried, well, it really wouldn’t end so great for you.” Clint tells him, rubbing his neck unconsciously, where metal fingers once wrapped around.

“Oh, okay then. See you ‘round.” The blonde said, smiling again and turning with a wave before jogging off.

“Yeah, see you.” Clint mumbled before becoming alight. “Wait!”

Blondie swiveled around, pulling the second earbud out.

Clint quickly ripped a piece off the forgotten newspaper that had been sitting on the bench beside him and scribbled some numbers on it. He handed it to the man, who accepted and smiled politely. “Give this a dial.”

“Thanks,” He called before turning and continuing on his jog.

“What was that?” Natasha asked, suddenly right beside him. Clint jumped, still –even after knowing her for years and being a _spy_ \- not used to how quiet she could be.

“Nothing. Bagel please!”

 

5.

Thor loved it when his brothers and sister came to visit Earth with him. The Ladies Darcy and Sif got along wonderfully, though Jane had mentioned to him more than once that when they were all together, things –described as ‘ _messy’_ and ‘ _drunken’_ things- had a tendancy to happen. But still, Thor loved it when they came. After the first few times of meeting his mortal friends, everyone had warmed up and gotten along wonderfully.

There were only two problems. One; this would be the first time Bucky will meet them, and a few are unsure of how he’s going to react. And two; Fandral had a... _tendency_ to flirt with Lady Natasha. It never went anywhere of course; it was just friendly. Much like how Clint flirted with Lady Natasha or how Lady Darcy with just about anyone.

And Thor needed to make sure Fandral wouldn’t, in case it angered the Soldier of Winter.

“Fandral, my friend! I must speak with you for a moment!” Thor asked, steering his brother to the side of the group before they reach Heimdall and the Bifrost. “I must warn you, Lady Natasha is no longer eligible.” Thor explained, resting a hand on Fandral’s shoulder.

“I’m sure that will not matter.” Fandral answered, looking up at Thor.

Thor laughed. “Even you, Fandral, would be hard pressed to beat her new suitor. I advise you do not to challenge him.”

“Oh, brother. I’m sure he isn’t that fine a warrior.” Fandral chuckled.

“Fandral, I am serious. Do not provoke him.” Thor spoke solemnly and the warrior nodded, conceding to Thor.

“I shall not.” Fandral promised.

 

+1

 

His comm crackles to life with Natalia’s voice. “Have you seen Lewis’ new beau?”

Bucky tracks her path with his sight as she makes it closer to the gala. The red dress does wonders for her already perfect curves. “The blonde guy?”

Natalia climbs the elaborate staircase to the interior. She hums in affirmative. “What do you think?”

He can hear her mingling charmingly with the rich guests over his comm and sighs. “He seems alright. Perhaps a little… soft, for Darce.”

He hears the tinkling of Nat’s laughter. He can hear true amusement that he knows she’s laughing from his words and not those of the men she’s talking to. He watches as one touches her arm and Bucky’s flesh hand tightens on his sniper rifle.

Nat’s voice is breathy across the line. “Perhaps she needs soft.”

Bucky smiles slowly.

“I’ll take credit for that.” Barton chirps from beside him. Bucky rolls his eyes as Clint continues, “I did give him her number.”

“Do you not find his chumminess sickeningly sweet?” Bucky moves his scope and finds Stark at the bar across the room from Nat. “It gives me the shivers. The kid deserves better than some air-headed, affectionate overgrown puppy. And why has his likeliness to Cap’ never been brought up?”

“My my,” Bucky knows Nat is smirking like a cat who ate some cream. “Does the mighty Stark care about someone other than himself?” If Bucky did not know her so well, he wouldn’t hear the hint of fondness in her voice.

“Get back to the mission at hand.” Steve’s voice is full of forced disapproval. Bucky spies him snatching a glass from a passing waitress and downing it in one gulp.

Bucky shares a look with Clint to his right. “You're just as interested as the rest of us, punk.” Bucky puts his eyes back on the scope and breathes in sharply.

“I am not.” Steve replies to quickly. “Unlike you guys, I don’t pry into other peoples personal lives. And I look nothing like Josh.”

Clint sniggers. “First name basis, Cap? Whose prying now?”

“I do not- where’s Natasha?”

Clint look up at the now abandoned rooftop. “Shit.”

 _“What?”_ Steve demands.

“Bucky’s gone.”

 

Steve thunders down the corridor, Tony near skipping beside him. The Captain is suppressing the growing urge to throw his hand up and swear, but knows there might be an actual chance Bucky and Nat are in danger.

“Why does he do this?” Steve demands to no one in particular. Just his luck Stark is trailing behind him.

“You mean, turn off his comm without telling anyone why and going after Romanoff, who also, quite conveniently I might add, also has her comm off?”

“Just spit it out.” Steve says between demanding their whereabouts from some thug in a suit before knocking him unconscious.

“Hot soviet assassin sex is my best guess. Probably on the bed of the man they just killed.”

Steve stops. Breathes in, breathes out. Pinches his nose. 

"They wouldn't do that."

 

“Natalia,” Bucky breathes as he slams the door open. He eyes the scene with cold calculation. Twelve men. Eleven armed. No guns. Just knives. Natalia strapped to a bed. There is static noise in his brain and suddenly the closest man’s throat is ripped out by a metal hand. The Winter Soldier fights single-mindedly and efficeintly, breaking bones and quickly leaving no traces of a scuffle. But this time he’ll make them bleed.

By the end of it, there is blood everywhere. On his face, his clothes, the walls, corrupting the white bed sheets. Bucky looks up at Nat.

She sits innocently on the bed, the ropes she had been tied with a moment before gone.

“I had it control.” She says, smirking as she slips off the bed and draws nearer. She wipes some blood from his cheek. Bucky is breathless from how stunning she looks with that dress and their bloodstained surroundings.

He is just about to take her on the floor when the door bangs open, revealing a bewildered Steve and smirking Stark. Two assassins glare at them and they make a hasty retreat.

“You owe me fifty bucks.” Stark announces to a befuddled Steve.

“I never even bet…”

**Author's Note:**

> took me long to finish, but here it is. as usual, all mistakes are my own and please let me know what you think. :)


End file.
